Hi! I'm Ellie and this blog will hopefully be the next chapter of my life. I felt like it was better for my first post to be my thoughts as opposed to jumping straight into sharing my writings. Also, I feel like this would be the perfect means for me to gather my thoughts and just pour it all into a journal entry-type post where I just ramble. How else should I introduce myself and my blog than by sharing my chaotic thoughts?
Where do I begin?
Let's start with why I'm starting this blog. I am forcing myself out of an ongoing 2-year writer's block that feels neverending.
What is writer's block? Well, writer's block is the overwhelming inability to write or feel stuck in the writing process. There are many ways to describe writer's block. But for me, a part of it is emptiness. Sure you might have ideas for a story, but sometimes it's worst when you don't even have any ideas at all. Your head just feels empty and lacks the ability to form words necessary to tell stories.
And from the emptiness, there comes frustration and even longing. I'm frustrated because I want to write but nothing is coming. I can sit down in front of a computer staring at a blank document waiting to be filled. Sadly, it probably won't be because I feel like I can't adequately put my thoughts into the right words. Then comes the sense of longing where I want to write, I want to tell a story, but I just can't. Most of the time, I don't even know why it feels like my brain is literally being blocked by something. Now, it's gotten to the point where I just let it. However, it's been 2 years since it began and I'm still in the same place I started.
What caused my writer's block?
The Pandemic
I was in my final year of college when the pandemic happened. Suddenly, I had to worry about a global pandemic on top of trying to maintain my grades so I could graduate. I was suffering from severe burnout from having to adapt to the new structure of classes and assignments and I couldn't even leave my house anymore. I felt drained of every creative bone in my body. I felt like I was basically moving on autopilot with all my essays and writing assignments. There was no longer any motivation or inspiration to write. Therefore, I've had writer's block since the beginning of the pandemic.
Stress and Crisis
Writing was suddenly associated with school, assignments, and overall stress. It no longer bought me joy nor was it my method of escaping reality. The thought of writing brought me nothing but stress for a long time and I didn't know how to move on from it. Then came another problem. I was graduating with no set plan in motion career-wise. With writer's block and impending adult life, I began doubting myself. I even contemplated changing majors a year before I graduated. I was basically going through a crisis because I was terrified and was no longer sure if English was the degree I wanted to pursue. It was all too much for me and somehow made everything worst.
So what now?
I did graduate and kept my English degree all while a pandemic was happening. It's something I'm really proud I managed to do. Whether I'm doing something with my degree is a question I wonder about every day. I fell back in love with books and reading again. Long story short, being overwhelmed with reading assignments over stories I didn't quite enjoy because they were homework made me lose my passion for reading, unfortunately.
However, since graduating I started rereading my favorite books such as the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series which led me to the Heroes of Olympus series. Now I love reading again. Being introduced to so many different stories has inspired and driven my desire to write again. Of course, I still have writer's block but I'm making progress because any progress, no matter how small, is still progress. Hopefully, with this blog, I will essentially be forcing myself to write even if it is just rambling thoughts.
I wish I could offer some advice but sometimes it's best to rediscover things all over again to remind yourself of why the choices you made in the first place were made.
Overall, I am ready to fall headfirst in love with writing again and share my journey with you.
Sincerely, Ellie ♡
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